(((((((((((freewill)))))))))))) hugs if you would like them. i know how isolating and terribly lonely it can be. for many years i had no one irl to talk to about my bulimia and it sometimes feels like you re living on another planet. please keep looking for a T that deals with it or knows about it. it makes a vast difference. and maybe keep trying in your daily life to focus on what you can control and on taking more control of the things that feel out of control? apparently that helps.
i really wish you the best and hope you take care of yourself as well as you can.
biiv