Today was a total crisis. Had to take my husband to the ER for pain again. I hate hospitals and i've been so depressed lately that I just shut down. Dissociated badly for the first time in months. I didn't feel real at all. I screamed at my toddler because he threw a ridiculous tantrum and I felt horrible. I was ready to call the crisis line and have them call me an ambulance before I hurt myself badly. I had the knife out and everything (hubby was out helping a cousin after the pain meds kicked in). But I managed to stop. I did distress tolerance skills of taking a cold shower and intensely exercising. I watched a movie and read Harry potter.

Now I'm still energetic but not in crisis any more. I'm so proud of myself. This is the second crisis I've made it through using DBT skills.

If I could just kick this depression. I'm trying so hard not to let it ruin me.

Counting down the days till I can start work again...whoever though I would be excited for a school year to begin? Definitely not my teenage self lol.

I hope tonight finds you all well.