I feel so unhelpable. the pain of dealing with my past is intolerable .I am just not able to do this. in the past I had a T who has helped me deal with my behaviors . when I was younger I was more like a caged animal then a human being.she helped be able to at least exist in the world. I wanted to be better then that .I wanted to be able to work ,to love my husband with all of me ,to accept his love. I cant do it . every time I even think of being able to talk about this stuff I am shut down .I don't feel like I have any control over it. I just cant talk .I cant shut off all the negative feelings. I am so sad and self destructive right now. I just cant be helped and I don't know how to deal with the rest of my life. I don't know how