I've always had serious food issues and been an emotional eater, happy sad angry alone whatever it is I reach for food and always have since my teens. My mum has always been the same too, but I didn't know about it until a few years ago as she hid it well from me.

I was bullied all through secondary school about my weight even though when I look back now it was only the end of school I started looking particularly overweight. I lost a lot at uni and then yoyo'd for a fair few years.

Then things just kept getting worse until I was told by someone that I was effectively committing long-term suicide by putting on so much weight.

I lost a LOT of weight rapidly after that, but ended up seriously ill with gallstones and pancreatitis due to the rapid weightloss. I had my gallbladder removed.

Since then I've put on weight again and there's a lot of things I can't eat anymore. I'm also struggling so much with my mental health at the moment I feel like I can't cope with this as well. But I hate myself for being this way.

I also hate the fact that the only eating disorders publicised are the ones that make you underweight, not the ones that make you overweight. And the fact that its acceptable in society to have a go at, make jokes about or basically bully and abuse people on the street because of their weight. I just want to get a massive tattoo that says 'this isn't *all* my fault!'

Sorry. I just feel so awful about all of this, I feel like a total mess of a human and like I'll never find someone to love me because who would want to be seen with someone like me? It's bad enough that I'm ugly and mentally ill, why did I have to be this way too?

I'm not by the way saying I'm ugly because I'm this weight, there are lots of beautiful big women out there, I'm saying it because I am.

Sorry I'm probably being annoying or saying the wrong things. Just needed to kind of get this out because if I ever say anything about my weight people just say 'well lose weight then' like its that simple. My GP even sent me to a weight loss counsellor at one point who said my other issues were way too complex right now for me to be tackling my weight, but I'm just scared I'm always going to be alone because I have nothing going for me. Most people if they are overweight are at least pretty so they can find someone that way.

Sorry. I'm just going to shut up now. So… yeah…