I'm not sure how to help but just wanted to let you know that I think it's okay to feel the things you are feeling about the situation. It sounds very painful and confusing and I understand why you would want the email records. Having them might help you to feel like you can make more sense of what happened. Do you feel like its your fault at all? I only ask because I was just wondering if maybe you want to figure out who is to blame for what happened....I'm sorry if I'm way off on that. But no - you are not insane for wanting a copy of those emails. I would want them, too. I do think its a bit odd that she didn't keep them because it seems like that would have been part of your file/record but i suppose she technically may not be required to do so...i don't think anyone else will be able to open an account that would access the emails either. Sending hugs