It looks like you're relatively new, so first off, welcome to PC. Secondly, I'm sorry you're struggling. It sounds like you've had a rough go of it.
I can really relate to what you said about how it seems that the EDs that are publicized are the ones that make people underweight. It's funny because I've been a part of two ED clinics in the last year and I am the only fat person in both of them. And there are a lot of people. And yet western culture obsesses over and condemns anyone who doesn't fit the beanpole image.
I hope you can find some peace around this. It's tricky when there's other MH issues as well. I am always available if you want to message me privately. You can rant, rave, cry, scream, or just talk about normal stuff, whatever. I won't judge.
I hope you find this site supportive. I have.