Well, at some level I do believe her. I just see myself losing important documents, putting my foot in my mouth during interviews or whatever people do to get "normal" jobs, sleeping in too late and getting fired for constantly being late, breaking plates and making a mess, getting annoyed with people/annoying people, etc. But at the same time, I know that isn't true. I am never late to rehearsal even when it is at odd hours of the morning, I never lose my music, I am fairly good at taking auditions, and people annoy me but I'm able to keep my cool. I guess the issue is that the idea of a "normal" job is so far out of my comfort zone that it scares me. I love hiding behind my instrument and not having to worry about coming off as likable or attractive or saying the right thing at the right moment.

I don't really understand myself to be honest. One minute I can write that and then a few hours later start questioning whether or not I can escape this place and wonder why I'm bothering to wait around and see. I guess I just objected to the word "helpless" and the word "victim" even though they honestly perfectly encapsulate how I feel a lot of the time. I guess I feel like if I honestly thought I was helpless, I wouldn't be trying to survive until September.