Hello I am sorry you feel bad at this time. It is very painful to know that you need help and everyone does not help you. It is very depressing and isolating, to feel that you have lost trust in people that you thought would help you and you were let down by the only people that had the knowledge to help you. You must try to forgive yourself for what these people did to your mental health, and try to make sure you get help from your therapist to recover, having a near death experience is scary, and living after a traumatic event is even worse at times to recover from, due to the way you were treated in the hospital. I hope things get better for you soon, I understand your emotional issues and your disgust and fear, I hve been there myself you are not alone. I hope you feel better soon. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia