Quote:
Originally Posted by tealBumblebee
So...I know i've been posting a lot of threads, I guess its nice having someone to express to who understand, but *shrug* thinking its about time to step away from thread posting for a while - don't want to get on anyones nerves.
ANYWAY, so tonight I cut myself. And i wasn't sad. In fact the only emotions I've felt today were hapiness, peace and a little anger/irritability. Relatively good day.  But I cut anyways. 
At first, I just wanted to bleed. I like to watch myself bleed. I'm not a "deep" cutter or suicidal, I just cut. And usually I have a reason (emotions), but nope not this time. So I did, I watched myself bleed and I realized how good I felt physically (like when you have those first 2-3 shots of vodka/gin).
Anyone else ever done this? |
When I'm having a very emotional day like I did yesterday..I cut to feel the physical pain because I can't handle the emotional turmoil in my heart....there is a certain "high" I get from cutting...I'm not saying its ok to do....but I kept secret for so many years until I started in recovery...then the last time was September 2001...this May I started again....sometimes I tell my counselor but after a week or two....I just can't handle feeling lonely and the cutting helps me get through another day...oh if You ever need to chat You won't get on my nerves ok....just wanted to let You know You're not alone
