It has been a tremendously taxing and terrible past nine months. I was providing help caring for a brother who was deaf and special needs and he got into my car at the grocery store after shopping and fell over backwards into my arms in cardiac arrest. I called 911 and started CPR, but he was gone.

That led to PTSD for a period of months with recurring nightmares and flashbacks. Those still take place on occasion and leave me with the grief and sadness that I have felt quite frequently.

Then a month later I had a small stroke / TIA and it was reported to the state and I lost my driver's license. I had my own business and without being able to drive there was nothing I could do, but shut it down.

It seems that things have been down hill since then. I was eventually going to lose a place to live and with no income and saw that I was at risk of becoming homeless. No income, no unemployment and not being able to find a job.

So, here I sit months later with the only thing left, my life insurance, which is paid for by a very, very small government disability.

I am depressed. I have no access to medical or mental health at this time and frankly do not trust my judgment to make a good decision. I know that I am depressed and walk around in a fog. There has to be a way out of this, but for the life of me cannot pull it together or logically think through the steps or formulate a process. It doesn't help that I have had three small strokes that affected my right frontal lobe, but I still managed to work hard, stay out of depression and continue to fight to move forward. I have sought help from the VA, but their resources are stretched to the limit. I am not sure where to turn or how to pick up the pieces and rebuild a life. It is as if you are at the bottom of a pit and so deep that you cannot see the sides of the top to climb out.

Where does one begin to continue to fight the depression with no medications for it and to rebuild your life from scratch?