I havent posted too much in this forum. Maybe I thought I could avoid facing the passing of my closest loved ones, or, thought I could deal with it without seeing any sad aspect of it, but I havent been successful with that. I was doing ok until lately the thoughts and memories continue to come up and the feelings have become more intense so Im writing this out here just to have someplace to move my feelings outwards and free to swirl into the skies where the spirits of them can catch them.

Both parents passed this year, within the past 5 months. Its so final when you cant see your loved ones anymore. I have my memories of their faces, thier voices, thier expressions. I have the memory of how big thier hearts could be, how human they were, how they tried to be right in thier lives. I can remember all the things they gave thier energy to and now, able to look back over our history together, I understand the things that were important to them. The good things, like, some people you never stop loving, and some painful things, like how they stopped loving each other.

I just wanted to take a minute to write these thoughts out, get started on getting in touch with my thoughts about what they mean, how they arent totally gone if I can still remember who they were and what they did.

Im not sure what to do with my thoughts yet. I mean to learn something in all of this. I need to pick up the pieces, again, and make an organized effort to keep my life on track. It feels like half of me is sliding away and the other half is pulling and tugging to stop sliding but Im in a real slippery place.