Thank you all.

I got into one support group. But I got so anxious I vomited and had to leave. I don't "play well" with others. I freeze up, lose track of thought, fall mute.

I just keep seeing the date. I keep asking myself "I'm wondering if he knew he was going to die." "I hope he didn't feel anything. They said he didn't but they lied."

"He died alone. I would have stayed with him until he left."

I just miss him so damn much. I am never getting that part of myself back. He was my other half, my better half. Now I am this damaged, lonely person with one part.