For years I have been able to block alot of things some I remember every single detail with others I get strange feelings, does anyone else have this same problem?

When I attempt to talk about the things I remember, I get to the point, where I start physically having trouble breathing basically gasping for air and the whole time just crying uncontrollably as well. So I always have to stop. Does anyone else experience this?

Do any of you sometimes start to have a panic attack or feelings of losing control when someone even if its someone you love, husband, children are standing too close to you and touching you even innocently like tugging on your shirt or just resting a hand on you?

My final question or rather maybe get some opinions for is this. When I turned 18 and finally told my parents about some of the things that happened to me as a little girl. I basically at that point completely blocked my father out of my life. It was gradual and started with visiting him less, talking to him less on the phone ( every conversation on the phone with him up to that point was always me feeling guilty, worthless, unloved and him always saying he was sorry for not being a good father and me crying and feeling sorry for him. ) I now completely have no contact with him other than the occassional email ( usually 1 every month or every other month. ) I feel in my heart I love him very much he is my father but, for some reason I cannot allow myself to be close to him or let him talk to me because, when I do try it always ends the same, in tears and him apologizing and me feeling sorry for him. I have asked myself and seriously tried to remember if at any time did he maybe sexually abuse me but, I cannot fathom it or even find a part of a memory about something like that happening with him. But yet I find for my own mental well being I must stay away from him other than the occassional email. Is this making any sense?

I think I am just trying to understand if all these things are symptons of PTSD. They told me yesterday at the clinic I h ave PTSD but, I have never thought of myself suffering from that or reallized that maybe it is part of my problems.

any advice or answers are greatly appreciated.