I actually just came out of a similar situation after living in it for close to 11 years. This sounds like the relationship I had with my mother's husband. I shared a house with him for 10 years, yet I never really developed a relationship with him. Partly because he never made much of an attempt to foster one when we first moved in with him, and partly because my mother eloped with him clear across the country and took me with her, for which I never truly forgave either of them. To be honest, the ice on your river may even be thinner than mine was, because it wasn't until I started seeing a counselor that I even began to realize that there was anything underneath it.

The best advice I can give is to try to get through the wall and face the emotions before they build up to a breaking point again. If you're like me, then that barrier is coming up to protect you from something on the other side, and coming to terms with that something is the only way to break this cycle.