I just talked myself out of it. I started writing about being lonely and then started writing about feeling like my T abandoned me and wanting to hurt myself... but then I realized that I was writing that in a journal that my T gave me in May so I could have an outlet when she couldn't be there. I'm stupid for sometimes thinking she abandoned me.

I talk myself out if doing it a lot. Granted, I haven't been doing that too much recently because SI helps keep the sui thoughts away, but I don't really praise myself for it anymore. It was kinda like when I was having huge problems with binge eating. I'd decide to not eat something and I'd think "this is good. This is the start of something." And then a few hours later I'd eat something worse.