Right now ADHD is really getting to me. I feel absolutely miserable and depressed after trying to study my English yesterday.

A huge amount of anger, shame and embarrassment builds up inside of me when I try to read long text. Especially when I try to read out loud in class. I can't take it. I vow to make sure I have an anxiety pill every time i go to class because every time i read out loud, I almost have a blown panic attack. yeah sure i can read the text but im not absorbing the information. not one word. It makes it especially hard if your anxious and have severe ADHD. My voice cracks, gets softer and then i can no longer read the text anymore. I've always pulled through though just shy of making people laugh at me.

My first panic attack took place when my teacher shamed me infront of the class for not doing good enough work on questions about a story i had to read. I was then put in a special class and was still so out of it i didn't even know how i passed. Maybe if my anxiety in those situations wasn't so bad, I wouldn't be so scared of not doing compulsions for my OCD and the OCD wouldn't become as severe to bring on a psychotic episode.

I'm good at writing essays (but not really) because all i have to do is talk and forget about what I wrote the second after i write each sentence. Reading essays is far different.

My pdoc says that he has to wait a month to finish paper work or something and then he'll give me ritalin or something. I hope it does something.

My therapist has to work on the OCD before the ADHD though (if i ever snap out of ocd). Since the OCD is going down, it just makes the ADHD more predominant and frustrates me even more by focusing on this one issue.

I feel embarrassed to even write this..