That didn't have anything to do with my SI though. I didn't do that because my SI escalated, I did that because I was desperate to escape my situation and couldn't see any other immediate way out and I was scared.

I'm not trying to argue for self harm at all. I know it is wrong and I know that I need to stop. I'm just trying to understand why. I can see that it continues the cycle of abuse and I can see that it does hurt people outside of myself.