My T seems to think it's just fear of another major depression coming on, and I can avoid it. I hope he is correct. He did acknowledge today that I have a very fragmented emotional life - I wall off the negative stuff or the positive stuff depending on where I am. He said I needed to recognize that I have control over all of it, but he did not really offer any concrete way to do that. It was a bit frustrating. This is the first time anyone has voiced that they notice the fragmentation (normally it's just me telling them I feel separate from it). I wish he had something a little more by the way of how to change it. I really don't feel in control of it all at once. A lot goes on that I don't have conscious awareness of...
I wish I believed him that it was mostly fear of what might happen, not an anticipation of what will happen.