Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
..................... I'm literally quoting my mom. She uses those exact words all the time. "I should have given up on you." "You need to prove to me that I'm not an idiot for investing my time and money into you because I'm starting to feel stupid for believing you'll turn out to be a reasonable person".
... how do I get rid of her influence on me? I don't want to internalize her like this. It's ruining my life.
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That's really perceptive to see that this is your mum's voice. I think noticing it a huge step to stopping internalising it, because once you see it as her opinion rather than a fact, it opens the way for you to consider other opinions, like that you are a sweet and brave person, worthy of love and support. You won't always feel like you believe them yet, but you're making progress.
I think perfectionism is working against you here too. You feel like you only deserve support if you accept all our suggestions and make suitable progress. So the support can become a kind of pressure, another thing that makes you feel bad about yourself. But we recognise that you are in a difficult position with a lot to deal with; we love to see you making progress, but you deserve kindness and support even if you don't do anything at all right now.