I have absolutely no self esteem. Some days I am ok and I feel a little confident and I think logically. Other days, many of them actually, I compare myself to other woman and I end up hating myself and crying myself to sleep. I have a lot of medical problems so I think I fear I will age rapidly. I fear going out in public because I constantly compare myself and I worry about what others think of me, personality and looks. I like to stay home and I end up cancelling a lot of plans with family because of this problem. I am kind and honest and sincere and a good person but feel like Im losing my mind because I just cant stand myself sometimes. I am basically fit and have been complimented quite a bit but I dont believe people when they say nice things. I feel like if they knew me, if they saw my crooked back and knew about my fatigue and what I have been through in life and then my confidence problems that they wouldnt think those nice things. I hate the media, I can barely watch t.v. or movies or listen to the radio, I dont keep magazines in my house. I have to stay away from situations where I would see pretty woman or even hear about them. I dont have friends and I dont feel like I fit in anywhere. I feel awkward and unattractive. I have been through a lot in life, including the medical, I am unable to work at this time, survived sexual abuse multiple times, grew up with an alcoholic abusive father, and stayed with my verbally abusive and alcoholic boyfriend. I've lost my motivation to do the things I live, guitar, painting, etc. and I feel like Im wasting away. Like Im a waste of space. What good am I, I dont do anything right and Ive done nothing I can be proud of. I feel like a completely different person when I fall into this self loathing and when I snap out of it which is usually the next day, I realize I was being over sensitive and have a warped self image. I have lost my motivation to do the things I love, guitar, painting, walking, etc. I see a t but havent touched on this subject yet because I thought I had it under control but it's getting worse. If anyone knows of any steps to take, or advice for me, that would be great.