I suspect we each have our reasons coming from our own experiences. We've all experienced being hurt for reasons that had nothing to do with who we are. And we've all struggled or are struggling to keep that awareness alive in our hearts and spirits that we matter and deserve kindness and respect simply for surviving and continuing to thrive. Why should you be the exception?

Personally, I feel a lot of respect for you. You're tackling demons I couldn't look at until I was @ 12 years older than you. And I was mostly out of my parents' house and had some financial stability. And I know how unimaginable it was to me to think I could ever be happy. I was raised to see myself as ugly, incompetent, and worthless. Yet also expected to excel, much as it sounds like your mother expects. But never supported, always criticized.

And I look at my life now, far from perfect, but generally happy. And I know that is ahead for you, even though you can't see it right now. I just want you to give yourself the time for your life to unfold because it will be so different from how it looks right now. You just need to help it happen by taking the risk to accept that just maybe the thoughts that were put into your head don't define you; that maybe you do deserve care for all of who you are right now.