I'm trying really hard. I'm not doing well emotionally, but I'm trying to limit my SI because I know it would seriously escalate very quickly with my current emotional state and recent behavior if I just let myself do it whenever I want it. Plus I'm too lazy half the time to get my tools. Either way, it's actually almost been a week. I forgot about that. I started keeping a log so I could give it to my T in Sep if she wanted a clearer idea of what happened.

I've been exercising actually. We have equipment down here in the basement. I just can't stop hearing her voice and seeing that face she made at me every time I try to fall asleep. I'm scared of trying and I never took my ativan the way I was supposed to so I don't have enough to help me fall asleep tonight while still saving enough to stop myself from doing something stupid if I'm ever in serious danger again.