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Aug 06, 2013, 12:42 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: From Egypt, journeying in America
Posts: 244
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Well, CaptainKirk, you might not believe it. But currently I'm going through exactly those same feelings you're going through...
I finished college, in a specialty that I love (political science), & I currently work in a job that I'm supposed to like (a political researcher). But a coupla weeks before, I started feeling very depressed, that I took a vacation from my job, & instead of spending it traveling or on the beach, I'm spending alone in my house trying to find any single drop of hope & attachment to life to get me on my legs continuing my dull life till I die...
I feel exactly like you... There's no point in doing anything, that all the dreams I had when I was young, I couldn't achieve 'cause of my OCD. I can't have healthy relationships with friends & family & I can't have a family of my own. I can't find a good therapist to treat me with proper psychotherapy instead of just pumping with useless drugs. I can't finish my Master's... My whole life is a failure, & all my dreams, hope, & potential changes I always wished to make, are crashing along with age & the oppressive reality of the dull non-changing "like you said, dead end" everyday life...
I'd really like to think out a solution with you, 'cause I'm going exactly through the same like you 
I'm starting to think that maybe the solution for this is that I make a change, even if tiny change, in my life, by starting a new course, activity, sport, or something...
But then again I think, maybe even when I start this new thing, after a month or so, my everyday life would turn dull again, 'cause this is the inescapable destiny of everyday life... Or maybe with my OCD, I would fail to continue this new thing, exactly like I failed before to continue many things that I started...
But again, maybe all these are just doubts from my obsessions that are hindering me from starting a new change... But those doubts are so powerful & overwhelming, that they really paralyze me from moving on...
To sum up life; you might say that when you're a child you get all those great dreams that you plan to pursue after graduation, to change the world around you. But then, after graduation, everyday reality kills all your dreams & potentials & skills slowly turning you into a meager tiny instrument that works along the dull dead running machine of the city, doing the same everyday till you die, just doing your tiny dull part in running this city machine, just like every other instruments-individuals framed by the society-system to do each their dull part the same everyday running the machine! This everyday running dead machine of the society-system kills human potential to live in happiness & make some real change in the world, through his/her own willful choices & natural skills...
Very few people manage to break through this dead society-system machine, & become influential in the world, & change the world as they change themselves... But how they manage to break through?! This is what I'm dying to find out an answer for before I perish from life as a mere useless & tiny unknown machine instrument...
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