The womens shelters are a good place to turn to, this is why they are there. Not just for women who are abused by their husbands. I went to one when I fled my abusive husband with my three young children ( there were women from many different situations ) My children were 5, 4 and my youngest was 2 and a half at that time. We only left with one suitcase of clothing for all four of us. We went to the shelter in our small city but since it was not safe for us to stay there they transferred and helped me secure the funds to travel to a shelter in another city quite far away within a few days. I had to go to court to obtain custody while in that shelter and then again we were transferred to another shelter in a different city because my ex now at least had the city location from court docs.

In the final city they helped me secure income, housing, counselling, medical care, furniture, clothing and anything we needed to start our life new. They were not judgemental at all and very caring and kind, very supportive and most of all safe.

All I can tell you is that yes it was scary at first, but I knew I had to get out in order to live any kind of decent life. It was worth it in every way. To be able to wake up and feel safe and know what is going to happen that day to some extent. To taste freedom and make my own decisions for the betterment of my own life. To be able to finally start building my confidence and have it remain intact without my abuser tearing it down. To be able to have peace to work on healing. To be able to raise my children in a loving peaceful secure and stable home.. worth the most.

And now I have a really good life. I have happiness, peace, freedom, healed wounds, and have been able to finally grow and flourish into the woman I should and can be. Now I can look around at my life and my home and know that I really was able to create this life. I have a job, a nice home, a loving relationship, hopes, dreams and acheivements and more goals... everything we need to live a comfortable and content life. We have love and happiness that I know we would not have been able to have where we were.

That is what I hope for you too. You can create the life you desire and deserve no matter how many setbacks, no matter how hard, scary or hopless it might seem or feel. That is an illusion that can keep us stuck if we don't reach out to check and see what might happen if we can allow ourselves to walk through it.

You can always call the shelter and see what they can do, I was offered police assistance to retrieve my things but I was too scared to go back. He was arrested one day later but my belongings just were not worth my freedom or life at that point. Things can be replaced, living and time cannot be replaced. They are precious. I hope you can reach out and get the help and support you need to walk through to the other side.

I told myself a mantra every day after the first day I left, it was "I will not sacrifice my happiness". It was simple but got me through and helped me remind myself what I was doing this for. It helped me stay strong when I felt weak, and warm enough when I felt cold. Maybe there is something you could use like that to help give you strength. Something that speaks to your soul.

I wish you the best, I am glad you found pc. I hope you stick around. Sorry for the long story, just wanted to share so you know that there is help available for you too and most of all hope.

Pfrog is right..it's not as scary as what you are living in. And that scared feeling can melt into excitement and love for life once you settle into your own living.