After much thought, yesterday I told my husband we had to get some counseling or we should divorce. I told him the love was gone in our marriage. I said I was ready to rent an apt just to get away even though $ would be tight. I know he thinks it is the major depression and anxiety making me say this. I am so scared. All he did was hand me a washcloth for my face. He hasn't talked to me since. Worse still, we are on vacation with three of our five children although they really are all young adults, ages 16 and up. I felt like I would implode and had to tell him. Why couldn't I wait? What do I do now?

He never physically abused me but I think we mentally abuse each other. One of us could not say anything without the other sniping back. The tone in his voice was always harsh even to our children. They are becoming bitter and the older ones don't like to come home. He is hard of hearing and it is driving me crazy. Whenever I would talk to him and not get a reply I would ask "did you hear me?" amd he would get angry. I also have a terrible memory compliments of meds and ECT and he would get angry when I could not remember things that he or someone else told me.

Believe me, I am no prize. I was the high income breadwinner and he was the stay at home dad until my depression returned in a big way more than 8 years ago. Now I am like a lump. I do not clean house at all. I read books and newspapers. The only things I really do for my family are shop and make dinner and sometimes do laundry and empty the dishwasher. I lay on the couch after I get up (late) and have my coffee. After I make dinner (usually something I can throw in the crockpot), I am back on the couch or in bed. He is 9 years older than me so he was able to retire early.

Question: Has anyone successfully gone through marriage counseling?

What is the best way to choose a counselor? I already have a relationship with a T. I would think that person would probably not work because she may side with me but maybe I am wrong. My 16 yo son goes to a different T due to his ADHD, depression and anxiety. She has seen both of us with our son a few times. Might she be a choice?

Does anyone have any advice? I know you can't give clinical advice but any words of wisdom would be most appreciated.

I really do not want a divorce. I want to make our marriage work but right now the love is gone. I am so empty.

Thanks do much for reading this. Bless you all.

Peace,
Nobody

ps. I am on a combination of lexipro, lamactil, wellbutrin xl,nortriptylin, ritilin and ambien for depression and diovan, synothoid and maxalt mlt for other things. I have been on 49 different meds to try and treat my depression and I have had more than 65 ECT treatments over time, 55 within the past 8 years.