Acceptance is something I don't think I will ever have. I didn't ask for this, and I certainly didn't do anything to deserve it. I feel like I've always done everything everyone has told me to do or asked of me, never made waves or caused trouble, and tried to carry on and make the best of unhappy circumstances. Then, whammo, all of this happens, and I feel like it is the universe doing a massive pile on, just to see if it can crush me once and for all.

I do know I can tell you exactly the defining moment in all of this, the moment when I walked into a psychiatrist's office. I walked in thinking I had made a good decision to work on my problems, and would get help and support. I walked out of there an hour later feeling absolutely crushed, made to feel like a dangerous criminal that needed to be locked up, like my life was literally over. And I did not deserve that. I will always have this hanging over my head, and I will always have to live in fear that someone will find out, and possibly even out me to the wider world and tear my life apart again. I don't like living at the mercy of fate, or chance, or whatever you want to call it, always thinking "is today the day my world falls apart again?"