I think I got a big problem. I am a 21 year man. During my childhood my father didn't live with me, he has got alcohol problems. I saw him once a month and during his visits he was drunk and he sometimes scared me so much...I was very scared and I really didn't want to see him. I know I will never trust him, he let me so many times down. His drinking problems took a tole on my whole life. But I think I can deal with it. I know I will never have a father and my childhood was not good and I will never be like other children from normal families, but ok. I have to forget about it and just live.
The main problem is that during my high school I met a wonderful friend. I spent with him so much time and he gave me so much support. Now I think that he was like my father sometimes. I trusted him very much, I was dreaming that we could go to the same city when we grow older and he will be always for me. It was a wonderful time, but unfortunetely our friendship ended suddenly, because he met a girlfriend and I couldn't accept it. I was very angry and I wanted to do something which would turn back time...I had a row with him and I haven't spoken to him from that time.
I haven't seen him for ages but I think he is still important to me, I think of him often and I never met someone like him... I really don't know whether it may be a homosexual problem or maybe I treated him like my father and when he gone my "therapy" ended. I always wanted to hug to him, feel his support, he understand me and I thought he could always help me. When I was with him I was very happy and it was the best time ever.
One year ago I had a girfriend, but it was a very strange relationship. It was not like with him. I felt so lonely and uncomfortable. Maybe because her father was also a sober and I couldn't give her what I need.
What should I do? I want to have a normal life without thinking about support like this. I want to have normal relations with women, not men, but it is still in my mind and I really don't know to think about this.
There is a little chance to meet with my friend. He now lives in other country and in addition what should I tell him? It would be a stupid situation.

Maybe someone was in a similiar situation? I would appreciate any help