Hi everyone. I am currently in a relationships with a man for about 3-1/2 years. We have broke up on several occasions due to his irratic behavior. He is 41 and I am 44 btw. I've been married before and he has never been married. He has so many good qualities as well but I am CERTAIN he has some sort of mood disorder, but I don't know what it is. I've done some research on my own but can't seem to find anything that "matches" his moods completely. So, here are his moods on any given day.

When he is happy, he is euphoric, chatty, ADD, and somewhat cocky (in a joking way). He can be like this for 3 weeks or so and then he crashes. The ugly comes out just like that. I walk on eggshells as i have no idea what is going to "Set" him off.

When he is upset, he is super intense with scary expressions to his face and body. The times he is like this, he blames everyone else for his problems to the point of yelling and belittling that person (calling names, etc.) , whomever it may be. Mostly it is me or his work out buddy. When he is angry, he becomes extremely verbally abusive with his words. He has only physically touched me once in the 3-1/2 years and it was when he was mixing wine and vodka together (unknown to me at that time). He'll call me names like "*****, asshole, idiot, stupid, retarded, etc. at these times. I am super emotional so this hurts me a lot.

He can't seem to concentrate on any one thing (example from just yesterday: He wanted to cook steaks on the grill and started the grill. He THEN decided he wanted to cut down part of a tree in his back yard. I asked him if he wanted me to cook the steaks. He perceived this as me being impatient and said he would do it. With this, I walked away and let the grill run for an hour which in turn caused him to blame me for using up all the propane. If i would have turned off the grill, he would have been upset because when he was ready to grill, it would be my fault that i turned it off and he would have had to wait. Again, blaming.) Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

He pulls everyone into "projects" he is working on, but ultimately he becomes impossible to work with when he becomes frustrated (the blaming thing) or when he insists on "completing" the project even if it means working all night (again, blames those who won't assist him in his obsessiveness about completetion). this is the ONLY time I have seen him focused. It is like he has to prove something by finishing it. Also, he will tell me every time... This project will take 20 minutes. 5 hours later, we are still working on it. He has no consideration for my time and how this obsessiveness affects me or anyone else around him. this happens EVERY time. I have tried to not assist him when he becomes like this, but he becomes so abusive verbally that i will do anything to help complete the project as quickly as possible. Whenever I see him getting out his tools, my stomach drops because I know I'm in for a mess.

He tells me all the time how much he loves me and feels thrilled to have me in his life. When he is happy, he is sweet, generous, and kind. But it's like a switch gets flipped and when it does, I never know how bad things will get. He may decid to try and pick fights with me or he may just withdraw. Either way, it's a misreable feeling. Some would say he is bi-polar but I don't feel he fits this exactly. His moods are up and down but they aren't behaviors that show impulsiveness like bi-polar tends to. I just wish I knew what was wrong with him so I could better understand how to deal with him. I do know his childhood was unconventional. His father was very physically and verbally abusive. His mom left his dad and bounced from man to man. She allowed him to travel with a family friend during the summers with a carnival at the age of 13 at which time he began working at the carnivals. He is a hard worker and is very intelligent. He has a master's degree in behavioral health, ironically and works with children with different emotional/social/mental issues and is great at it. I think at times he is completely unaware of his irratic behavior. Does anyone have any insight on how I can handle this?? I'm desperate to understand so that I can help him.