Are you saying your wife can't use hormone gels or even water based gels? Has she tried the water based gels or beads? Is she able to try an Estrogen Ring? Has she had blood tests to see if she's low on Testosterone? Women also have Testosterone and this depletes causing a low sex drive. I can't think of any reason why she can't use a water based lubricant and some gentle encouragement. How was sex before this problem? I'm wondering if there's other factors in why she doesn't want ex. Maybe couples counseling is needed. I understand you're frustrated but can't validate affairs. You both could also be pleasing in others sex acts. Encourage her to try the water based lubricants and have her testosterone checked.