Thank you both.

I have had a very lengthy and calm conversation with him about all of this and then some. Over and over, making him repeat me, and trying to make him focus on me. I sometimes wonder why I married him too. I came very close to calling off the wedding because he did his usual 'I'm not there when you need me'. I have been so blunt with him I feel selfish sometimes. Yes his behavior has changed since we got married. He has become more self absorbed. Our newest counselor, who has so far been the best one, has told me he sees a very parental relationship between us, and he can tell it's frustrating me and burning me out. Now, add that my husband has all but stopped doing what I ask of him, or basically me telling him what I need from him, and we are to the point we are at now. I have told him this is all going to lead to divorce. I need him to work with me. The consequences of his actions will be divorce if he doesn't give me communication, emotion, and intimacy daily. I even explained that intimacy could be easily mixed with the emotion and as simple as a kiss and hug at bedtime telling me he loves me. I don't expect sex daily. More than once a month would sure be nice.

I can't figure out how to get thru to him he's killing our marriage. I can't keep it together much longer. I'm tired of feeling abandoned. He is negligent to the point of abuse. When he used me for sex, I know he didn't do it on purpose. It was his negligence that is so pervasive in our relationship. He used to try. He used to at least put forth effort, but he doesn't anymore and just shuts down. Our last counselor said I was nagging him to the point he shut down. I asked how to stop that. He said since my husband doesn't do what I ask, he sees why I nag, and he had no good answer for me. So basically, I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Now I have a father with serious health issues, and I can't even lean on my husband for support?! How do I get thru to him? Is there any possible way? Because if there isn't, I think we are on a one way street to divorce. I love him so much it hurts, but I can't feel abandoned and alone all the time. I can't feel like he doesn't love me back. I need to love myself more, and that hurts too.