I'm not sure what to do. One minute I feel like I really need to talk to someone, then when I get the chance, I chicken out and hang up/click out of the chat. I'm arguing with myself about the merits of self-harming right now... I list the pros and the cons. I land square in the middle most of the time. I know why I shouldn't do it. I know all the consequences and all the alternatives I should try, but at the moment, I don't care about them. I want to give myself permission to do a whole bunch of damage, but I can't seem to do that either. So I'm bouncing around on the internet and in my head trying to slow things down enough to be able to go to bed. The si urges scream as soon as I move from the couch, so I haven't moved yet... :/
I should have called T today. Oh well...