Hi HeartTornOut...
i hate that you have had to go through so much... however it seems you are understanding that your not being able to express your emotions is because of the abuse linked with it in your past.

I believe through your therapy you will be able to separate the two. Be able to work on it the right way. Unfortunately, it takes time.

Also, sometimes logical reasoning helps others see things in a different light.

I don't know how to help really, but I just wanted to say that I care. And here on PC, we definitely do not see you as numb. But a person with a whole spectrum of emotions. Most of us here have difficulty channeling them the right way, and a lot feel the way you do.

Take care,

amity