Dailyhealing, thank you for your reply and support. I have noticed its hard for me to talk about my feelings as I am ashamed of myself in a way but at the same time, I know I need help. I am still with my boyfriend but he has slowed his drinking and has been going to t as well. Its hard to let go of some of the things he has said to me but I have to if I want to continue this relationship. I guess right no, we are working on things. I wish you luck in your struggles and thanks so much for your reply.
Htebsil, I started crying when I read your reply. Ive never thought of dealing with the effects Ive felt as you suggested. Take away the abusers power in making me feel bad about myself and give it back to them. Its great to learn new ways of dealing with feelings that actually work!! I learned the Sinead song on guitar and Ive decided that when I feel down, I will play it. Its already helped me:-) So, thank you so much. I know you said you need to hear those things as well so I wish you luck in whatever struggles you are dealing with.

I will continue on in my journey to finding love for myself. A friend of mine asked me why I was so mean to myself but not to any other person. How can we treat ourselves so much worse than we deserve. This has helped me as well.