bless you, I can so relate. But I know it's so beneficial and a better way to live if you can mostly focus on reinventing yourself. And replacing the negative thoughts with positives. Easier said than done of course, but I encourage you with all of my heart. And maybe do something briefly that will make you feel good, spend time in some way w pet or friend, help out, read, walk, do something creative, whatever. It's different for everyone. And clearly, you're short on time. But maybe a very short respite as long as it's not prolonged avoidance would help. And the best! I know you'll figure something out! I have found over the last decade I've had to redefine success for myself, no matter what anyone else thinks, tho there are some whose opinions I seek and value and are helpful. I wish the same for you! Sounds here like folks on PC really care and want to help and I've seen posts from you, demonstrating where you are of like mind! I think it will be ok! Easier for me to say I know! But just keep moving forward and pls keep us posted! Take care!