Thank you so much for replying... You are absolutely right that the kids don't deserve to be punished. I know they are perplexed sometimes, because although I don't yell at them, I am just not nearly as available as they are used to me being. It is so hard because there are 1000 conflicting thoughts and emotions and when they are crawling all over me or being loud it is just too much. I am struggling with figuring out how to relinquish control, because it is exhausting trying to control everything all of the time... but I feel like if I don't control everything (know where he is at all times, make sure he takes the kids with him when he goes to the city where the club is, etc) he will do it again. He says that now that he understands in a concrete way what will happen if he goes there or sees her again (I've told him that we'd have to get divorced, because this is wrecking me and I can't go through it again) he will avoid it like the plague. Part of me believes him, but if I am duped again it will wreck everything, you know? It isn't just a matter of my feelings, it is my whole life and the lives of my children who would be heart broken if they couldn't see their daddy every day.