Remember this: feelings do not always reflect reality. In Bipolars, feelings OFTEN don't reflect reality.

I too, damaged my family in ways I cannot even think about today. So I can truthfully say that I understand what you're feeling. I did much worse things than you describe. And now that I'm seeing some results from my treatment plan, I think about those things and can't even imagine how I ever could have done them.

Your husband is willing to fight. Are you? Because that's the best possible way to make it right-- fight this disease with everything tool at your disposal.

Meds will help you, but if you want to beat this thing, then you need to hit it with everything you have: Exercise, Cognitive Therapy, a regular schedule, diet, and more.

Someone once told me: "When you're overwhelmed, just focus on the first thing you need to do. That's all-- just the first thing."

I'm guessing the first thing you need to do is decide to fight with everything you have. I'll also wager that once your husband sees how hard you're fighting, it will make things easier for him. You might also want to look at a book titled "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder". The interesting thing about this book is that it not only helped my wife, it was AMAZINGLY helpful to me. I understood what she was going through; I understood myself better and I formed a better treatment plan.