{{{{{everyone}}}}} Thank you for posting, and listening, caring, supporting.

Part of this might be some recent physical problems contributing to general depression I usually have.

I've broken out in sores, on my body (head, neck, face) and all over the inside of my mouth (lips, cheeks, tongue). I couldn't eat for 3.5 days, could barely drink, even water. My lips swelled and cracked on the side. I don't know what it is, and it scares me. The main reason it scares me may sound really dumb, especially if you don't have pets. But I'm scared it will have something to do with my cats, and I will have to give them to the shelter They keep me from being totally alone while my husband is at work all night. I'm not scared to be alone, or of the dark, but I do get lonely. So lonely its painful sometimes. Another indication perhaps, that I should come here more, instead of less. I should add, I'm going to the walk-in clinic today (hopefully), and got to eat and drink a bit last night...feeling a bit better.

Meds, I have rx for a couple, an anti depressant and an anti psychotic (I'm dx'd schizoaffective for those who don't know). The last time I was taking them regularly was several months ago, which turned into irregularly, which turned into none...which is where I am now. I know the importance...but find it hard. Even while on them, I have voices and a shadow man. It will be easier on me to not go into details about him. I know this will sound 'crazy'...but, he doesn't like when I take meds. And will scare me worse when I do take them, partly because they are supposed to help me, make him less...but they don't. And it ends up being easier on me to not take them, and not %#@&#! him off...than to take them and have him stalk me that much more. I see my GP for meds, can't get to appointments for a T, which has its own backstory. And the psychiatrist who does meds is the same place as the T. Its over 1/2 hour away, I can't drive. My husband works all night until 4am, so is sleeping during the day (our car is out of comission right now anyway), my sister/brother both work, my cousins work, my aunts/uncles do too. I have no way to get there, I can barely make it to get my RA meds once a month, and that's alot closer. I don't have any friends, we don't have $ for me to take the rural taxi. My 'insurance' is tribal, so I can't request somewhere closer...like the next town, which I may be able to get to. I have to go to the office(s) they specify, no exceptions. My GP will only put me on what I was on when I came out of the hospital, and isn't overly comfortable doing that...but he understands that I can't get them anywhere else.

Long, involved, boring and kinda pointless...but yeah. I don't know what to do about all that, really. *shrugs*