@rose 76 I've witnessed that trick. I wonder if they realise how hilariously transparent they are?

I couldn't care less about loneliness or rejection. I encourage the people I surround myself with to act the way they do. I didn't mean to say I enjoy it, because I don't. What I meant to say was I do it for selfish reasons.

Everyone here has been great with their answers. X I feel life a I've been too subtle with the question, as it's something I've never admitted. Honestly, when I'm not listen to others problems, I don't see life worth living. I can't enjoy myself. I haven't been able to for years. When I'm at my lowest, the only thing that stops me from 'leaving' is the idea that I could maybe make someone else feel better about their own life. It doesn't cheer me up, it keeps me just above the line that says life is worth living.
The problem isn't the needy people I surround myself with. If it wasn't for the idea that I provide them with some value, I wouldn't be here. I don't really enjoy listening to others problems, I need them to live.

What is frustrating is that the more I listen to other peoples problems, the more messed up mine's seem by comparison. I'd never admit what I've been going through to anyone I know. I can hardly admit on here.

If I cut those people loose, I'd feel like I have no purpose. I don't think I would keep going.
To everyone else, these people are leeches, but to me they are a lifeline. To put things plainly, listening to these people is how I deal with suicidal thoughts.
I didn't want people to panic, and tell me the standard go to a T answer, so I tried to be subtle. I don't enjoy life, and all I do is listen to other peoples problems and insecurities, and try to help. If I didn't do that, I wouldn't feel worthwhile because I don't enjoy my own life, but I want my own life, one that I do enjoy.

I wish I was religious, and believed that being a service to others now, would give me eternal happiness; but I'm not.