Quote:
Originally Posted by Margolomania
Hello,
I've actually been in somewhat of the same spot, if I'm understanding your post correctly. I just recently had the break-up actually. When I was in it, I felt miserable because I was reacting so badly towards a person who had almost everything that I wanted and who cared for me genuinely, but whom I've had to let go because certain things didn't fit. I didn't feel right, and that feeling never went away, except for a few occasions when I thought they would go away, but the feelings of restlessness and the relationship being inadequate came right back the next morning. I'm not saying that a break-up is inevitable for you, but definitely working on yourself is key. I tried doing it while I was in the relationship, but there was so much mess being caused by us not being connected with each other that it was tearing us apart rather than bringing us together. But if your connection with each other is better, which I'm sure hoping that it is  , and you can communicate things right, then perhaps this is a chance for you both to grow with each other. Hope that wasn't confusing and I hope that helps |
Thanks Margolomania. This insight from your experience is exactly what I needed. You got it right on the head. What would you do different in hindsight. While you were together. What thoughts do you wish you could have had?
I was writing trying to figure out what part of my angst is based in truth and which part is based in habitual thinking. Trying to sift out the thoughts that are more about now vs that familiar comfortable habitual angst.
I know that living 60 miles apart has helped a lot. We get more time apart and helps us reflect more and react less. We mostly just spend weekends together and vacations and the occasional week that I spend up there with him...
I think what happens is something triggers me and sometimes my insides feel it with the same intensity as when I was a girl... and it gets hard to see what part belongs to now and which belongs to parents... whenever I have been able to look at this dynamic in any relationship it turns out that at least 75% of the intensity of feelings belongs to the past. Leaves only 25% max relating to the present. When i do that clarification i see more clearly what is actually in front of me. It helps me not react in a black and white way.
If any of this makes sense, I'd like to hear about it.
Thanks again. Please feel free to send private msg if u prefer.