Thanks Nicole. I have told my therapist about everything except my severe low self esteem. I guess I thought it wasnt that bad but recently has gotten worse. I see her soon so I will focus on this then.
Hermit, thanks so much for your reply. I am not a vain person at all, I work hard at not judging others but cant stop judging myself. I do have admirable qualities, both looks and personality. Its when I get so down that I cant get up and then I cant believe those things anymore, I dont trust my own positive perception. Sometimes I feel great or ok and then other times I completely cannot stand myself. I am 27 and have always been a little self conscious until recently. I fear that my boyfriends drinking and mean words have triggered my childhood in a huge way. Though he has stopped the verbal abuse, I cant help but think that he thinks those mean things about me. I cant let it go. He reminds me of my father. But as htebsil said, those mean word belong to him and I can choose not to keep them. Its just the process of doing it thats hard. Anyways thanks for your advice, when Im down Ill remember your words:-)
I appreciate everyones replies, thank you all so much. I helps a great deal just to know that Im not alone.