\I have very mixed feelings about meds. I've been on some type of psych med for 14 years now, so I often wonder what my brain would be like without chemicals. I do remember how I was immediately before I went on my first anti-D. severely depressed, hurting myself regularly and generally a mess. The anti-D helped with that. Now i'm on a chemical cocktail and it's causing side effects. I don't like the side effects but am afraid to go off the meds, because I can become suicidal and have bad depressive episodes despite being on meds. So I hate to imagine how I'd feel without them/

What I hate most is being physically dependent on them and going into withdrawal when I don't take them - makes me feel kind of helpless.

I know I need them, just wish I didn't.

spliitmage