Your thought is that your T csn leave sui in the past, why can't you leave abuse in the past? You feel ashamed that you can't just leave the abuse in the past.

I agree with feralkittymom that IP is recommended when people are actively, currently, dangerously suicidal. However, an attempt in the past that has not be talked through is still relevant and worthy to be talked through with T.

The abuse that you experienced in the past sounds wide-ranging if not all ecompassing. You have not had a chance to heal from that, and now you are at a highly triggering location with the abusers. To me, it is no wonder that you are triggered and fearful. I am so sorry for your pain, and I admire your resilience. Hang in there!