After the total train wreck of a therapy session I had Tuesday I asked my therapist if I could see her today. I felt a little guilty about it since she came in early to see me.

However the session went much better. I was actually able to talk this time. I slept better last night because in addition to my Seroquel I took 2 Xanax. I know that is not ideal but I really needed sleep after all the insomnia I have been having.

We have kind of figured out that there is nothing external causing my depression it is all internal. To me this isn't the best news though even though I have known it for a long time. I wish there was an external factor that I could point to and know that there could be an end in sight. With it all being in my head it makes things a little more depressing for me and no end in sight. It also means I will probably always have to be on meds which I don't like.

She did call my doctor for me but unfortunately he is on vacation until Monday and I don't know if he will be able to fit me in before I have a trip to go on.

Even though I probably shouldn't I am going to be taking the Xanax again tonight to make me sleep.