I agree with outdoorsman. If your husband is willing to fight, you need to fight, too.

During an extended manic period, I did a lot of damage to my family, much more so than what you are describing. My wife forgave me and we have been working hard for a little over a year to get things right. Things are going great. There is hope if you both want to try.

I think the best thing you can do is to let go of the guilt. You can't forget what you did. That's important so you will not go down that road again. But guilt is a negative emotion that neither helps nor solves anything. That's what is distancing you. You can't change the past, you can only choose the road you travel now and in the future.

Hope this helps.