Hi, I am new to this board/site so I hope I am doing this okay.
I have had alot of stuff going on in my life lately that has opened up
my eyes to old things that I thought I was dealing with okay on my own.
I realize now I have not been dealing at all, only burying it deeper. With all the old stuff and new being on my mind so much I am feeling overwhelmed and just utterly depressed. If I did not believe in God I would kill myself but I don't even have that as an option as I could never disrespect God so much. I do not know how to get myself out of the situations I am in and am having a really hard time figuring out what i can do about it. I have alot of issues with past abuse (physical/mental/emotional during childhood & sexual in a long ago ended relationship- which I have not told anyone who knows me about because I know they would think I was so messed up and dirty) and present emotional abuse situation I feel I can not get out of, and even if I could I do not know if it is what is right to do, or if I can emotionally handle doing it. I also am not over the death of my grandmother which happened 2 years ago and I have recently been the victim of several crimes which I feel no one cares about (Reported breaking in & theft and cops let people who did it go even with proof, I left my home to live with family because of my health (physical) and because my family also needs my help and about a month ago some one burned my house down and fire dept says things that do not seem right and did not even notify me about it- a friend came to tell me- they have their excuses in place and noone around here would help or care anyhow. I did nto have any insurance or anythign and I now have no where to go to) around here. I am having a really hard time trying to get my life together and would like to just live and be normal for once. I would like to go to therapy but I am scared and worried and feel I am not able to trust anyone in any professional capacity right now. I also do not know how I could afford it. Mental illness runs in my family and I do not want to end up like the rest of my family, but I see myself turning out that way. I need help so much and I hope that maybe someone on here can just give me some advice or something. I appreciate your taking the time to read this and I hope I am not being to long but I really just need some kind of help. Thank you.