After yet anther tiff with the gf, I am googling what's going on inside my head trying to figure out how to make it all stop. What is Me? What is the Manic Depression? Do I have some Paranoid Personality Disorder mixed in? What if I just have Borderline Personality Disorder? WHY DO NONE OF THESE DESCRIBE WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!!!

Everything I read about Manic Depression indicates that I should be hyper sexual. But I am not. My gf has a much higher libido and besides that when she is insistent about sex I start to feel like I am being controlled (even if I want it) and I just want to get away which drives her up a wall.

So what about Paranoid Personality Disorder? I always think I am being controlled or manipulated or that someone else is always taking credit for my work. (though long after the fact I always find out they credited me) so on the surface it seems to fit. Except for the depression and euphoric manic states.

And forget about BPD. The more I read about it the more confused I become. Some sites make it seem like a catchall for when the pdoc cant really figure you out, then others say it is a very distinct illness that is often misdiagnosed. I don't know what to believe.

I am just SICK OF IT! Sick of it all!! Things were just fine before I started living with people again!! When I was on my own I didn't have to worry about what other people thought about me! I could just stay in my home and play vidgames all day and I WAS HAPPY! New SW:Battlefront came out? Weekend of bliss. I never worried about what I ate! I never worried about what time I went to bed! And I sure as hell didn't worry about OTHER PEOPLE. If they thought I was weird or a hermit, well screw them. As long as I had electricity, some junk food and a high speed internet connection I was king of my world.

Then I moved in with my girlfriend and the fights started. Daily, hourly, fights. We fought about dishes, what I ate, about "us" time, about getting healthy, about X, Y and sometimes Z. And these fights would repeat themselves over and over again. I got angry, really angry and slammed doors and threw cups and yelled in her face. I always thought it was HER FAULT that I was so angry. Looking back I feel so much shame. However, a long way down the line I did admit I had a problem and sought counselling. That's where the Bipolar dx came from. But still we fight. I keep myself from being violent or yelling now that I am aware, but it is still a fight. It happens over and over again about the same things. And it is driving me mad (madder?).

I don't want to flipping care about this crap anymore! I just want to lock myself in a room with my gaming computer, some mtdew and doritos and just tell the rest of the world to **** off. What the hell is that? Anti-social? I don't really care at this point! I just want to be left alone and to my own devices!!