When I come on here I always just feel like a whiny ******.
But this is the only place I feel I can really turn to to talk.

I really don't know what to do. With every passing day I feel worse if that's even possible. Every night I cry myself to sleep and spend every waking minute wishing I wasn't.

I don't feel like I can ever be happy. Especially since I can't remember anything else than this and struggle to believe in happiness.
But people on here have said I can get better. And I don't know if they're right. I cannot see anyone about it seeing as I haven't been to the doctors in 9 years, even for broken bones. And I don't know who I would be if there was such thing as better.

My best friend is content in her life. She's losing weight, got a lover and its close to finishing a degree. She was the only one who I felt could even partially understand.

I feel so glad that she's finding happiness. But at the same time as she does I'm feeling even more alone. I'm the fat, untalented, unloved, ugly, stupid one. I always have been, but now even more so.

I mean I'm so glad that she's progressing in life, but I'm just so hopeless. And I don't know what to do.

As I said, I'm just a whiny ****** in the end, so sorry. But I don't know who else to talk to.

Thanks for being here. I hope you're all alright xxx