I'm not really sure how much crying is normal to compare it to. I know I threw lots of tantrums and they always involved crying. I'd get really upset that she never listened to me and I'd start screaming and crying because I figured if I raised my voice she'd have to listen. I was too young to realize that there is a big difference between hearing and listening. I remember crying alone in my room at night a lot. After a certain age, I stopped crying when she could see me.

You're going to make me cry. I always wanted a dad that gave a **** about me. He's in this house and hasn't talked to me in weeks.

What did I do as a kid? I think I just took it or dissociated. Right now? I wake up at noon and go to sleep at 4-5 (if I can sleep at all) to minimize my time around her. I spend a long time in the bathroom, obsessively shaving my legs or something because I'm not in high school and she isn't monitoring my homework anymore, she doesn't monitor my shower lengths as aggressively. She'll yell at me about a water bill (despite not having a problem AT ALL paying $2 or whatever for a slightly longer shower) if she can hear the water running too long, but hiding in the bathroom is save. Practicing is safe but I can't do that for hours. When she's ranting at me and I can't escape, I think about SI to be honest. I start thinking about where on my body I can do it and when and with what or trying to remember what it feels like. Or I just pretend I don't exist.