oh jazzy, I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you do. I didn't realize you have felt this way for 3 years! What happened 3 years ago? Why were you happier before that?

I think it's terrible that your T didn't respond. Can you call her instead of just emailing? What ever happened to your original T you used to post about? Can you still contact her?

You've probably answered this in the past, but do you take antidepressants? Thinking about death all the time is not a good way to live! I wish I could say something to help you, but know that I care about you, and I don't want you to die.