Hi Music Rules Me. I can't tell if you are seeing anyone for help or not. I'm one of the cases for whom the medication worked. I can state for a fact that feeling better is a real thing and if you experience it you will feel more yourself than you feel in your depression. I understand being nervous of change. Sometimes what we know is just less scary than any kind of unknown. Please let me assure you that you can get better with help. As you have already proven to yourself, you can't cure yourself.
I hope you just give getting help a chance. You have nothing to lose. Go give it a try.